


This Life is Mine

by HakanaiFleeting



Category: Fire Emblem: Fuukasetsugetsu | Fire Emblem: Three Houses
Genre: Alternate Universe - Canon Divergence, Angst, Canon-Typical Violence, Childhood Trauma, Pre-Relationship, Pre-Timeskip | Academy Phase (Fire Emblem: Three Houses), Sylvix Week (Fire Emblem)
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2019-10-20
Updated: 2019-11-04
Packaged: 2020-12-24 17:42:44
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 2
Words: 3,555
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/21103427
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/HakanaiFleeting/pseuds/HakanaiFleeting
Summary: "Would anyone miss him while he's gone? Surely Ingrid, Dimitri and Felix would be a little disappointed at first, but they would eventually get over his loss and continue on with their lives. His father wouldn't miss him, that's for sure. Yes, he would miss the crest that Sylvain bears, but the man would never miss Sylvain for who he is.The more he thinks about it, the more he begins to believe that it'd be better off if he just remained missing."





	1. Chapter 1

Sylvain is terrified. After what he went through, who wouldn’t be? The young boy, no older than nine years of age, was told to stay in bed to heal from the frightening encounter. He was trapped in a well for hours due to being pushed in by his older brother in an attempt to harm him, after all.

The boy shivers a bit, still recovering from his cold encounter with the well and the dark and how it seemed like no one would arrive to help him, and how he’d di-

Before his train of thought is able to go to a darker place, the door loudly creaks open and a familiar face pokes through. It is Felix, one of Sylvain's closest friends. The tiny child is quick to enter the room and jump onto Sylvain's bed, burying his head into Sylvain's chest without restraint. From the brief glimpse of his face, Sylvain is easily able to notice the redness of Felix's cheeks, shiny still from tears. 

In an attempt to regain some form of normalcy, Sylvain begins to try to talk. 

"H-Hey, Fe." 

Try being the key word. 

Sylvain's voice remains hoarse from how much he had screamed for help. Despite feeling as though he had simultaneously swallowed rocks and scorched his throat with flames, he smiles at Felix.

The dark haired boy only pushes himself further into Sylvain, his tears now finding their way onto Sylvain's shirt. 

"I-I… I was so scared, Sylvie… I thought… I was scared you…" The rest of what Felix says was lost, muffled into Sylvain’s chest. Without knowing what else he could do, Sylvain merely wraps his arms around the smaller boy.

“Shh… It’s alright now. I’m fine, see? No need to cry, Fe,” Sylvain says, paying no mind to how his throat fired up with pain. He pats the smaller boy’s head, trying his best to comfort the crying child.

“Sylvie…” Felix lifts his head from where he was burying it into Sylvain's chest. His honey-brown eyes meet Sylvain's own, tears threatening to fall once more. “Promise that you won’t die on me." 

“I promise, Fe… I won’t die without you. We’ll be together, forever.” Sylvain ruffles Felix’s hair, giving a small laugh. “So don’t you cry, alright? If I’m to die, well… we’ll die together.”

Sylvain made this promise, and he’d be damned if he didn’t stick to it.

* * *

As the days pass on by, Sylvain’s life returns to the lull of normalcy- to those looking in on him, anyway. With his seemingly corny flirtation and easygoing nature on as a mask, the concerned glances from his friends towards him are soon replaced by their usual antics. 

Sylvain loves all three of them. He loves Dimitri, with his unusual sense of humor and the way his face turns a bright pink whenever Sylvain lightly teases him. Sylvain hopes the boy doesn’t change with time and that he remains innocent forever. He loves Ingrid: hardworking and responsible Ingrid. She’s the one who lets him know if he goes too far, and he appreciates that a lot... He knows he can trust her to watch over and take care of the others. And Felix, sweet Felix… Sylvain loves him all the same. He’s still quite sensitive, always quick to tears. Sylvain worries about him the most, but… he trusts Dimitri and Ingrid to watch over him. Felix will get over this, with time.

...They’ll all be okay without Sylvain himself here.

Sylvain enjoys laughing and playing with the three of them. The best moments of his life are spent with them. He wishes he didn’t have to return home and that he could just stay with them forever. These moments are few and far between however. They each have their own individual responsibilities they have to adhere to, after all.

“Hey Sylvie! Wanna see what I learned? Let’s fight now!!” Felix’s sweet, high pitched voice calls out, holding up his wooden sword. Friendly spars between the group happen quite frequently, with all of them training in weapons early on. Sylvain finds sparring with his friends far more entertaining than training back home with his instructor. 

Sylvain nods, readying his own lance. Dimitri and Ingrid stand off to the side, accepting their roles as spectators. 

  
Sylvain would never admit that he always let the three of them win. Letting them win always brightens their faces, and he’d much rather have them win and be happy than gloat about a win himself anyway. 

  
As such, Sylvain fought Felix, and soon enough the smaller boy finds his way onto Sylvain’s chest, breathing heavily, with a victorious smile upon his face.

“Haha! I win!” Felix exclaims, smiling brightly down at Sylvain from his perch

Sylvain himself lets out a laugh. “You did. Nice job, Fe! You’re getting better!” With that, the smaller boy stands up, holding out his hand for Sylvain to take. Once Sylvain manages to stand on his feet, Ingrid and Dimitri return to their side, congratulating Felix with smiles and laughter. 

Sylvain wishes this could last forever. 

Ingrid notices Sylvain’s increasingly distraught expression first. Of course she does, being the most perceptive of the four of them. “You fought quite well yourself, Sylvain, so you don’t need to feel down!” 

“Yes! You’ve improved as well, Sylvain, so no need to be upset with how you performed!” Dimitri says with a smile. Sylvain tries his best to return the smile, not telling the other boy how he’d only changed his fighting style a bit because Felix himself had grown enough so that Sylvain can draw out a bit more of his strength. 

Sylvain doesn’t have the heart to tell them that there was more on his mind than a simple loss, so he finds himself slipping back into his usual mask.

“Haha… Thanks guys. I appreciate it, but Fe is the one who’s really improved!” Sylvain claps the smaller boy on his back. It’s only a matter of time before Dimitri and Ingrid challenge Felix as well, so Sylvain moves aside to observe the three of them.

They’re all growing strong, he thought. He hopes they’ll remain close like this, as friends that can help each other out. If one were to stray, he hopes the other two could help keep them stay on track.

Soon enough, all four of them tire out. Looking at the three of them, Sylvain can’t stop himself from voicing his thoughts. “I hope you all stay together, like this. As friends." 

"What do you mean, _ you all _? You are part of this group too, Sylvie!" Felix exclaimed, looking at Sylvain. A small frown graced the boy's delicate features.

"It's as Felix said, Sylvain. You are our dear friend as well. Don't forget that." Dimitri says. The prince's blue gaze feel as though it can pierce into Sylvain's soul.

"Yes. The four of us shall stay together as friends, don't forget it!" Ingrid's voice joins the others, and the matter-of-fact tone of her voice almost convinces Sylvain to believe it. Almost.

"Haha, yea. Sorry for worrying you guys. We'll be friends forever." Sylvain chuckles lightly, rubbing the back of his neck. With a corny joke, he is able to redirect the flow of conversation away from his slip-up and back to a lighter note. Avoiding the playful jabs sent his way is a small price to pay for their carefree smiles.

It's only a week after this encounter that Sylvain is pronounced missing by House Gautier. 

* * *

It isn’t Sylvain’s original intention to run away from home, really. Sure, he had thought about the possibility a few times, but in general he found himself too cowardly to go through with it, putting off any plans he came up with for a later date. He didn’t like to imagine the looks of hurt that Ingrid, Dimitri, and Felix would have on their faces if they heard the news of his disappearance. The way things are, however, left little room for Sylvain to think about that all.

Since the well incident, Miklan’s attempts at Sylvain’s life have become more direct. Sylvain, of course, doesn’t fault his brother for acting in this way. By being born with his stupid crest, he stole everything from his older brother. Sylvain understands why Miklan tries to kill him. He really does. Sometimes, Sylvain wishes he could just give his crest to Miklan. It would kill two birds with one stone: a mutually beneficial exchange. Miklan could reclaim his rightful place as the heir to house Gautier, and Sylvain can be rid of the responsibilities and attention he receives as a crest bearer. 

Alas, such a fate is not possible. It is outside the realm of possibility for Miklan to ever love him, or for his parents to see him as who he is rather than the crest he bears.

When Miklan had told Sylvain to come with him outside with the reasoning that he wanted to apologize for his past attempts at Sylvain’s life and give him a present to make up for it, Sylvain should have known better than to accept. He should have known better than to trust that this wouldn’t be another attempt at his life.

Despite knowing better, Sylvain wants to believe in his older brother. He wants to believe that everyone has good in them, and that Miklan was being genuine in his remorse.

So when Sylvain wakes up alone in the middle of the woods located goddess knows where after being knocked out by Miklan, he really should have seen this coming.

As scared as he is, Sylvain tries his best to keep a level head. What was he told to do if he ever got lost?

Right, find out where he was, if possible. Easier said than done. With the greens of the leaves blocking the sky from sight, Sylvain can't use the sun's position to help him. The more he looks for any sort of path or disturbance of the leaves indicating that someone was there, the less confident he grows.

As seconds turn into minutes, and minutes turn into hours, Sylvain finds himself no less lost than he was to start with.

Being alone with his thoughts causes them to head in a darker direction.

Would anyone miss him while he's gone? Surely Ingrid, Dimitri and Felix would be a little disappointed at first, but they would eventually get over his loss and continue on with their lives. His father wouldn't miss him, that's for sure. Yes, he would miss the crest that Sylvain bears, but the man would never miss Sylvain for who he is. 

The more he thinks about it, the more he begins to believe that it'd be better off if he just remained missing.

With Sylvain out of the picture, would Miklan finally be happy? With only one son remaining, his father would be forced to give Miklan the title of heir. Surely this would be better for all parties.

Yes, it hurts Sylvain to think about the friends he would leave behind. It hurts to remember the vows he would break. But it'll be alright. Everyone will be just fine without Sylvain there. They'll be sad for a few days and then move on.

Besides, it's not like Sylvain intends to break his promises. Not really. As soon as he makes a name for himself—not the name passed down from father to son but rather his own legacy— he'll return. He'll be able to tell them stories of his travels. He'll be able to smile and laugh with them without worry of having to return home to his father's expectations and his brother's violence. He'll be free to do as he pleases.

It's with these thoughts in mind that Sylvain decides to take the 'gift' Miklan had left him and pave his own path towards a brighter future.

...After he takes care of the roaring of his stomach, that is. He needs to ensure he survives to live to tell the tale, after all. It wouldn't do him any good if he just drops dead. That would break the old promise he made with Felix: something Sylvain does not intend to do.


	2. Chapter 2

Surviving on his own, Sylvain soon finds, is quite difficult.

While he had received lessons about survival from his tutors, Sylvain had occasionally brushed them off. After all, if he was to become the next head of House Gautier, why would this be useful to him? His boredom in those classes is now coming back to haunt him.

  
The first day is rough. Finding something that’s edible is a difficult task in which Sylvain took much longer than he’d like to admit. He manages to find some berries that he had been told were able to be consumed without poison. Or rather, he hopes he remembers correctly. If he dies from this decision, at least it would on his own terms. 

Of course, he hasn't dropped dead yet, so Sylvain simply assumes that they are actually safe to consume.

Finding water is also harder than Sylvain ever thought it would be. However, Sylvain happens to luck out when hears the faint sound of running water and follows it on a whim. A river, Sylvain soon finds, is the source of the sound. With the discovery of the river, Sylvain soon find himself traveling alongside it; surely there would be a town founded along side it if he follow far enough. 

In truth, Sylvain wasn’t prepared to be thrust into this situation in the slightest. With only the clothes on his back and the few items he has in his pockets, Sylvain is severely under-prepared to deal with nature and it’s unpredictable tendencies. There is only so much a bullion can do in regards to survival in the elements, after all.

Sylvain lived a sheltered life that in no way prepared him for this.

If there’s one thing Sylvain is grateful for, it’s that he had the common sense to bring heavier clothing with him when he followed Miklan. Despite being the middle of summer, it’s still rather chilly in the North of the Kingdom. If anything, having the extra layers help when the chill of night falls.

Sylvain finds himself unable to fall asleep through the first night on his own. How could he?Every time he closes his eyes he hears something in the distance. Even with open eyes, the trees above block the moonlight, blocking Sylvain’s vision of his surroundings.

He won’t admit it to anyone, but Sylvain finds himself crying through the first night. Alone and scared, there isn’t anything Sylvain wants more than to have his friends by his side. Of course, he reasons to himself that it would not be wise to bring them in on this. No, he doesn’t want them to get hurt, so he’ll deal with the loneliness.

That doesn’t make him feel any less alone, of course. Though somehow, it gives him the strength to keep going forward.

* * *

After four days of going through the wilderness (and yes, Sylvain kept track of the days), he manages to find a village. He almost doesn’t notice it, but thankfully Sylvain managed to hear the loud bustle of people going about their business. With a hop in his step, Sylvain leaves the forest and walks into the village.

The village itself is rather small. The houses are of a modest size; but they’re nowhere near the size of the dwellings of the nobles he had been forced to converse with in the past. Despite their size the houses are able to feel cozy, with half timber designs and notable blue tiles upon the roofs. Looking upon the village, Sylvain feels as though could fit the entire village into the walls of the Gautier Estate four times over. Despite the smaller size, it’s filled with far more life than he’d ever seen back in the dreary old castle. People of all ages walk the streets, doing their own thing. Vendors project loudly to passerbys about their newest goods. Children scream as they run around the streets playing games only they seem to know the rules to. Women gossip in their own cliques, loudly chatting about recent happenings. It’s a busy place, and yet Sylvain can’t help but feel more at ease here than he ever was back at the Gautier Estate.

While the people of the village are interesting to Sylvain, what really strikes a chord with him is the smells. The scent of fresh produce as well as freshly baked bread wafts through the air… The pleasant aromas bring a smile to Sylvain’s face.

Finally! Some  _ real _ food!

Really, Sylvain didn’t mind the berries  _ that _ much, but it certainly wasn’t the best thing in the world to eat for four days straight. He can’t wait to get his hands on some actual food, something that isn’t entirely tasteless.

However, even Sylvain knows you can’t exactly buy anything without money, so the first thing he does is remove the small bullion from his pocket and sell it. One thousand gold pieces into his pocket later, Sylvain was ready to hit the vendors.

Making his way over to one of the food vendors, Sylvain looks around at the items. Laid out in front of the vendors were their wares, a large variety of different foods from all over Fódlan, though most were local to the Kingdom. 

Gautier Cheese is among the most noticeable to Sylvain, as he’s quite familiar with the strong smell of it back home--no. Back in his former place of residence. Sylvain refuses to call the Gautier Estate home. Aside from the cheese, Sylvain recognized a large number of vegetables, such as the greens of cabbage and leeks, the bright orange of carrots, and the odd purplish color of radishes. There is also a number of baked goods such as bread and pies being sold as well. 

Giving in to temptation, Sylvain soon finds himself arms full of fresh food. Alright, maybe he didn’t think this through, but who could blame him for this? The temptation was too great after only having what he could find. He’ll eat it all anyway. So Sylvain does the logical thing to do in this moment, and begins to wander around the area looking for somewhere to settle down.

It’s only now that Sylvain notices the odd looks thrown in his direction. He can’t help but feel his stomach drop at the looks. Do they know about who he is, and if they do, plan to return him to the Gautier Estate? However, the lack of action on the part of the townspeople seem to show that they don’t know who exactly he is. Surely someone would have approached him and tried to make him go back to the estate if they had known.

But that draws the different question. Why are they looking at him like that? What’s special about him? Alright. Maybe it’s that he’s an unfamiliar child just walking their streets, but he can’t be the only child who’s ever come through this place, right? Is it his bright red hair then? Most people around here seem to have brown hair, so that could be it. He also considers his attire. Despite being out in the woods for a few days, it’s still quite clearly more expensive than what most other people are wearing.

It doesn’t matter what caused this reaction. All Sylvain knows is he’s different enough that eyes are drawn to him. Not a desirable outcome for someone who wants to remain under the radar.

Walking into the less crowded residential areas of the village, Sylvain’s attention is drawn to something fluttering in the air. More specifically, something that was hanging between two of the houses; a clothes line.

Maybe, if he does  _ that _ , he can blend in better.   
  


With a foolish idea set in his mind, Sylvain grabs the items he had noticed, hides behind a bush and strips.  
  


* * *

Sylvain looks down at his new outfit, ensuring he had put the clothes on properly. They were far simpler than his usual outfit was, certainly. The colors were a combination of dull browns, whites and greys; when compared to the bright blues and reds of his prior garments it’s quite clear how he had managed to stand out in a crowd.

It’s not the most comfortable outfit he’s worn, but to lay low he supposes he has to deal with it.

Sylvain places the remainder of his belongings from the pockets of his old parka into those of his new garments before trying to fold his former garments neatly and place them on the ground under the clothes line he had taken from. It’s an equivalent exchange; some clothes for some clothes. No one should be angry, it’s a win win! If anything, whoever got his clothes should have a good deal, surely they could sell the bright garments for a price.

With that issue out of the way, turns to the food he had left nearby, protected from the ground by the black cloth of a cloak he had found with the other clothes. Yes, he’s held off eating long enough, his stomach is practically screaming to be fed.

Boy, is Sylvain glad he doesn’t need to deal with those berries all the time anymore.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Alright! Finally got this thing out, rewrote it about three times before it was decent enough to share with y'all. Transition sections are hard,,,Hopefully with this out of the way I'll get the next chapter out sooner than this one was, but no promises knowing me and how school just loves to pile essays onto me,,,
> 
> Anyway! Forgot to say this last time, but this is being proofread by the lovely Bird (feroxai)! I need to thank them so much for,, putting up with my dumbassery, because there sure is a lot of it to go around.

**Author's Note:**

> this,, was originally intended to be day 1 sylvix week but then the idea evolved until it decided it'd become it's own mess of an entity. As such I decided to post the first chapter as day 8 because otherwise I haven't really done anything for sylvix week besides consume fics from others, but I digress,,,
> 
> The fic was inspired in large part by Sylvain's A support with Byleth, really. 
> 
> Really this is my first attempt at a multiple chaptered fic, or really even a serious fic that's 100% serious and not crack,,, I am terrified, but here we go anyway!!!


End file.
